Back from my 3 month hiatus

I’m back!!!

I know that I’ve been saying this a lot whenever I go AWOL for a few weeks or months. But this time, I really want to make a change so that I can keep it up.

But before I talk about the changes I want to make, I want to explain my three month hiatus. I’m not going to talk about what I did during those three months. However, I might do that for another post because I still want to document what I got up to and what changed with me. 

For now, I’m only going to write about why I didn’t post anything during those three months. I did start writing something a few days or weeks after my last post but I never finished it because I didn’t feel inspired to write anything at all. I tried to force myself to finish what I was writing but I couldn’t find words or I couldn’t find what I wanted to write about. I didn’t even attempt to write in my journal. I also felt really drained and lost. I guess these all came about because I wasn’t able to control myself and I let what was happening in my work affect the other parts of my life.

I didn’t also feeling a hundred percent myself during those times. Even if I did things that I loved, I felt like I wasn’t as inspired to be creative. I did those things because they provided a distraction from the stress and anxiety I felt. It came to a point where I enjoyed what I did only during the times that I did them but afterwards, I didn’t feel the high that I usually feel whenever I do something that I love or enjoy.

Moving on, I came to realize that I don’t want to let my work control all of the different aspects of my life. I don’t want it to affect me in such a way that I lose myself  because I can only identify myself with my career. I realized that even if work is a big part of my adult life, it’s not the only thing that should define life.

So now, even if I’m still super stressed and anxious about my work, I’m starting to fight off those negative feelings and I’m trying to not let it affect me so much. But don’t get me wrong, there are still a lot of things that I truly appreciate about my job. I just don’t want my life to revolve around it. I want to move forward from those negative thoughts and vibes that happened this past three months. 

The change I want to do now is I want to do more and experience more things in life. I want to try to push myself out of my comfort zone to live a life that I won’t regret. I hope that would somehow help my creativity and confidence so that I could also start writing more. I don’t want to be stuck writing reviews because they get kind of boring and repetitive if that’s the only thing I write about. I want to write more about experiences as a way of documenting them. But of course, I would still write reviews because they help me create a documentation of what I thought and felt about what I was writing about.

I also want to write more freely and without limits and boundaries. I usually get self-conscious about the structure of what I’m writing and my grammar. But I know that that limits what I write and it limits my creativity. So now, I want to try to censor my writings less and be more open and honest about what I’m writing about.

And finally, I’m not going to force myself to write when I don’t feel like it. I’m gonna stop trying to give myself so many deadlines that stress me out and make writing less fun.

So that’s all for now about my explanation on why I went on a three-month hiatus and the changes I want to make in my writing and in my posts.

See you again soon. Bye!