August 2020 Reflections

Hello!

I’m finally back from a three week break. I took a short break from writing because the past three weeks have been very busy for me because of my work deadlines and tasks. I didn’t have enough time to sit down and write so instead of rushing a post, I decided to step away for a while. I didn’t want to put up anything that was super rushed and I found it a bit difficult to write because of the stressful situation that I was in.

Anyways…

I wanted to write about my August reflections first but I have a lot of fun posts coming soon because I recorded my thoughts about things I’ve watched or listened to in my journal. I will be posting those in the coming weeks so watch out for that.

So August was quite a stressful month for me. My anxiety was triggered a lot this month because of the amount of work load that I had to do and the deadlines being given to me left and right. Have you ever felt like you have so many things to do but you just freeze because you don’t know where to start? And then you start feeling so scared and worried about what’s to come because you have this negative feeling of things seeming to go wrong or falling apart? I felt those a lot of times during the month. And those stress, worry, and anxiety drove me to just feeling so down and basically lose interest in a lot of things. I’ve even reached a point where I found it a bit difficult to interact with other people including my family because I was becoming a Debbie Downer to them. I tried to distance myself from them a bit because I didn’t want to dampen their happiness or excitement about good things happening for them.

I actually hate feeling this way because I don’t like the feeling losing interest in things that bring me joy. I also don’t like the feeling of not being interested in anything and kind of living in a negative bubble. 

This experience actually strengthened my resolve to seriously start looking into finding a new job. I’ve been saying that I want to resign for about a year now but I kept pushing things off because I was in my comfort zone and I was kind of afraid of starting from scratch again. But now, I think I’ve had enough of my current job because I’ve been feeling like this for so long and things doesn’t seem to be improving it actually feels like things are getting worse for me. However this time, I’m actually considering if the corporate world is really what’s best for me because I think my personality and values don’t necessarily go well with the personality and values of people who often thrive in the corporate world. I think I might be too soft and gentle for it that it might eat me alive.

I’m now thinking of starting a new career path where I can help others by providing them guidance and someone to listen to them. I kind of want to go into counseling or in the academe so that I can pursue this dream of guiding or mentoring others. It might also make  pursuing my Masters easier because I hope to work in schools or universities. Another reason why I want to pursue this career path is because I have noticed that I kind of feel more at home in the school setting which I think is a sign that I might be better fit for jobs in schools. I especially like being around children or teenagers and guiding them and talking to them.

Moving on to the more positive things last August… 

I’m glad and thankful for the releases from my favorite artists because they gave me something to look forward to and something to pull me out from all the negativity that I was feeling. They provided me a nice distraction from the things that were going on around me at that time. I am just a bit sad that I didn’t get to fully enjoy them at the time because I was also battling with the stress and anxiety that I was feeling that made me less enthusiastic to do things.

I’m also really thankful that my experiences last August really taught me to value myself enough that I don’t let what others say dictate how I view myself. I learned not to let others affect my self-esteem because how one person views me does not define who I really am. I know that it took a while for me to really learn that but I’m glad I finally got it through my head instead of having to say it but deep down, it still does affect me. I’m still not totally immune to getting affected by what others say about me but I noticed that I tend to let it go easier now instead of running what they said through my mind over and over again. 

All in all, I may have had bad times last August but I won’t let that define everything for me. I’m looking forward to the coming days ahead because I believe that things will get better. I also really hope that I continue all positive improvements that have happened in my life and I hope to move past all the negative things.

That’s all for now, bye!